Some Information

First, I just want to say that I am touched and overwhelmed knowing that Matt's army of supporters are traveling to Michigan for this weekend.

For those of you who have children you will be bringing this weekend: There will be 3 adults watching kids in the lounge/kitchen area downstairs at the funeral home from 3 p.m. - 7 p.m. Friday. On Saturday, there will be nursery attendants at the church from 11 a.m. - 1:30 p.m.

Also, if you saw Nick Hura's comment on my last blog entry, I encourage you to start jotting some memories or stories about Matt down. We are going to ask everyone at the memorial service to share their memories and photos to be compiled into a book for Ethan.

To Rudy, Mark & Sammy: I wish I had known what was in the box you sent, I would've recorded Ethan's reaction for you! Ethan had the biggest smile on his face & he let out a little giggle...and immediately emptied the box. Will you please email me your addresses? meganuday@gmail.com

Thank you, Kristen!

Please check out this column written by Kristen Shamus in today's Free Press. Kristen, thank you so much. We have been touched by your columns about us.

http://www.freep.com/article/20091215/COL26/912150370/1234/Cancer-took-his-life-but-not-his-spirit

Memorial Service

A viewing will be held Friday, December 18th, from 3 p.m. - 9 p.m. at Martenson Funeral Home in Trenton.

The memorial service for Matt will take place on Saturday, December 19th at noon at Grosse Ile Presbyterian Church. Child care will be provided in the church nursery. Please join us for a luncheon following the service.

This link will provide the times and maps as well:
http://www.funeralquestions.com/obits/martenson/memorial.asp?listing_id=145619

As Lance Armstrong said at this year's Pelotonia "Cancer Sucks".


Early this morning Matt lost his courageous battle with cancer. Please check back for information about his memorial service.


Thank you for all your prayers and support this past year.

Home Again

I am home, and feeling quite well. The scope and cryoablation went well yesterday. They were able to freeze everything and the bleeding has stopped again. They also gave me 2 more units of blood, so I have even more energy. Megan brought Ethan to pick me up at the hospital this morning and he was flirting with all of the nurses and was a popular little man. We had a nice lunch at Angelo's on the way home, and enjoyed dinner at my parents with my sister and nephew. It is fun to see the boys together.

That is all for now, I just wanted to let you all know that I am home and the procedure went well. I am ready to call it a night and enjoy a night back in my own bed. We have a busy weekend coming up. My sister is lecturing at a dental conference in Detroit tomorrow, so I will be there to heckle, I mean support, her. Of course this weekend is the UM/OSU game. Megan and I will be going to the game and tailgating. We have many friends coming in town and we look forward to seeing many of you.

Go Blue!

The Roller Coaster Continues

It has been yet another week of ups and downs. At the end of last week and through the weekend I was experiencing the worst fatigue I have known since Indy, but that was corrected yesterday with a blood transfusion. My heart rate was continuing to race due to the HCG induced hyperthyroidism, but the medications now seem to have that under control. I learned on Sunday that my HCG had gone up tremendously, only to see it plummet back down with another blood draw yesterday. Today I have my energy back, but I have begun to cough up blood again. Tomorrow I am headed back into the hospital for a repeat of the cryogenic procedure to stop the bleeding. That is everything in a nutshell, below you will find more of the details.

Last week I was overwhelmingly fatigued. I had very little energy to do very much other than sleep and nap. Yesterday (Monday) I had an appointment with my oncologist to discuss progress at the end of the first round of oral Etoposide, and we discovered that my hemoglobin was down to 7.7. Normal is at least 14.0! I was quite anemic, which explains why I was so tired. I ended up spending the day at the hospital and received a transfusion of 2 units of blood. I immediately felt better and had more energy. Driving home I felt like myself again and I have felt great today. Hemoglobin is what carries the oxygen in your blood, and it is amazing what a little more oxygen can do to make you feel better!

Last Thursday I saw the endocrinologist and he put me back on some medications to slow my thyroid and to slow my heart. My heart was racing at 120 to 140 beats per minute at times last week. That was mainly due to the elevated HCG triggering my thyroid, but the low hemoglobin may have contributed to it as well. My heart rate is now back down in the 80's, which is still slightly high for me but much healthier than it was last week. I will stay on these medications until we can get my HCG back down again.

Speaking of my HCG, I had it checked on Thursday as well. My oncologist called me on Sunday with the results, and they were quite concerning. When I began this round of chemo my HCG had gone up to nearly 58,000. Last Thursday it was more than double that at 120,968. My doctor was very concerned, as were we. At the appointment we discussed the possibilities that this chemo is not working, and that we need to find another clinical trial; hopefully the new one in NY will open soon. However, after the appointment I received a text message from my doctor with the results of my HCG from Monday morning, and it was down to 87,000! This is certainly much more encouraging. As we have seen, this may mean nothing if it just shoots back up, but if it stays at that level or continues to drop lower, it would be an indication that the Etoposide is starting to work. We certainly are not celebrating yet, but we hope this is the start of a downward trend for my tumor marker.

Even though I have felt great since receiving the blood transfusion, I have begun to cough up blood again. It is much less than before, but certainly any bleeding in my trachea or lungs is not a good thing. My doctors today decided that I should have another bronchoscope and hopefully they can freeze the site with a croyogenic mist once again. When I had that done 2 weeks ago the doctor said he may have to repeat the procedure a couple times before it permanently stops the bleeding. So tomorrow morning it is back to Ann Arbor for another day at the hospital. It is a relatively quick and painless procedure, but nonetheless I can think of many other ways I would rather spend the day. On the other hand, continuing to cough up blood is not one of them.

There is not much else to report since I have spent much of the last week sleeping. Megan is now exhausted since I have not been able to help much around the house or with Ethan. She is a trouper though, and she continues to be my rock. Please do include prayers of strength for her as you pray for me. Our families continue to be great sources of support, and we certainly would not be able to deal with all of this without their babysitting and their love. Thank you all! This has been a trying couple of weeks for us, particularly when we thought this round of chemo was going to be smooth sailing. This is what it is like to be living with cancer, and I continue to be grateful that I am living with cancer. You have to roll with the punches, take each day one at a time, and continue to be grateful that God is with us, as are so many of you that care about us and keep us in your prayers and close to your heart.

Thank you! God Bless! Livestrong!

Photos and a Progress Report

We hope you enjoy these photos from the last couple of weeks!

Ethan checking out the pumpkins at the pumpkin patch.

Ethan found a pumpkin just the right size for him to carry.

Ethan loves Pumpkins!

Ethan is more interested in crushing the mums than the carved pumpkins.

Ethan dressed up for halloween in his cowboy costume.

Our 100 pounds of pumpkins carved and lit up for Halloween.

Our view of the MMB from our seats in the Pressbox this past Saturday.

We had an ubelievable view of the field and thought we would share some photos with you.

We hope you enjoyed some of our photos. We have had a lot of fun with Ethan this fall, because he really does love pumpkins. The photo of him in his costume was taken at the Toledo Zoo for Little Boo at the Zoo. He didn't quite understand the concept of Trick-or-Treating, but he looked cute in his costume.

We had a great opportunity this past Saturday to sit in the Pressbox at Michigan Stadium. Thank you to some good friends (you know who you are) for pulling some strings to give us this experience. The view from the box is incredible. You can really see the whole game much clearer. Unfortunately, what we clearly saw was Michigan letting another game slip away, but we still had a lot of fun. Two interesting aspects of sitting in the pressbox is that you cannot cheer, and the concession stand is free. Most of the people there are press, and they are working, so you are not allowed to cheer. It was difficult to do at times, and was a little strange. They also had a full concession stand, and it was all free. I think I may have made Megan a little sick with all of the popcorn and hotdogs I ate, but it was fun. It was a great experience that we will long remember.

Thankfully Saturday I was feeling pretty well and was able to enjoy the game and the pressbox. Most of the days since my last post have been up and down. I have been quite fatigued since returning home last week, but that is to be expected after going under general anesthesia and having two minor surgeries. What has been harder to deal with is that I have had to watch my temperature, as I have had many fevers since I have been home. They have come every evening and have varied from very mild to 101 degrees. They last a few hours and then I feel fine until the next night. The doctor feels it could be a result of the procedures that I went through last week, or it could be caused by the cancer. Either way it seems less severe each day.

I also still have a cough and an elevated heart rate. Thankfully I am not coughing up any more blood. My heart rate appears to be a result of the tumor marker HCG. When I was first diagnosed they found that my heart rate was high and it was due to hyperthyroidism caused by the elevated HCG. It appears that it is happening again, so I am going back on some meds I took last fall and am seeing an endocrinologist on Thursday. The cancer seems to be taking a bigger toll on me these days, but I am starting to feel a little less fatigued and better the last few days. Whatever the cancer throws at me I just need to keep punching back.

The Unpredictability of Cancer

We have had an eventful few days since my last blog. They have involved a trip to the ER, a couple minor surgical procedures, and a night in the hospital. Thankfully, I am home now and feeling well. I think the drama is behind us, but one of the things about cancer is that you never know what it is going to throw at you tomorrow.

Early Saturday morning (4 am) I woke up coughing up blood. I was half asleep, so I vaguely remember coughing up a blood clot, then several minutes of blood before the bleeding stopped. I went back to sleep, and had no more bleeding or much coughing the rest of the day. Sunday morning the same thing happened at 8 am, so I thought I would call my doctor, but I didn't want to bother him on a Sunday morning, particularly because it stopped and I felt great. It was the best I had felt in a couple weeks, and I took Ethan for a 1 mile walk that morning. At about noon it started again, so I texted my doctor and he immediately called me and instructed me to head to the ER.

I spent the rest of Sunday in the ER, getting chest x-rays and a CT scan to look for a pulmonary embolism, and they checked my blood to see if my platelets had dropped too low. Everything looked fine, so they figured that one of the nodes in my lungs was probably bleeding, and the Lovenox was interfering with clotting. Basically they wanted my blood to clot, but not too much. They don't want a clot associated with my port, but if something else is bleeding, they want it to clot. So they took me off the Lovenox and told me to go home and check with my oncologist on Monday.

We spent Monday at home awaiting directions from Dr. Winegarden's office. They decided to keep me off the Lovenox and to send me for a doppler (ultrasound) of my port on Tuesday to look for a clot. That went smoothly and there was no clot found, so they decided to take my port out, which would allow them to take me off the Lovenox and allow my body to clot naturally. The surgery to remove my port was scheduled for Thursday morning.

Tuesday night I woke up at 11:30 pm coughing up blood, and this time it seemed like more than the previous times. We spoke to the on-call oncologist at 11:45 and he said there wasn't much more the ER could do than run the same tests as they did on Sunday, and to call back if it didn't slow down within an hour. It did slow down over the next hour but didn't fully stop for nearly 2 hours. In the morning Dr. Winegarden called me and asked me to come in for a bronchoscope.

At noon on Wednesday they scoped my trachea and lungs under general anesthesia to find the source of the bleeding. What they found was an area in my trachea, just above where it splits into the two bronchi, that was badly irritated, bleeding, and had a few lumps in the tracheal lining. The surgeon biopsied the lumps, and then cryogenically froze the areas that were bleeding. They admitted me overnight for observation, and thankfully I have had no bleeding since the surgery. The surgeon did warn us that this procedure may need to be repeated before the bleeding is permanently stopped.

This morning, before they discharged me, I had my port removed. That was surprisingly easy. They did it under local anesthesia. I was awake and carrying on a conversation with the surgeon about boating the whole time, and did not feel a thing. He was an amazing surgeon. I can't believe that something that has been embedded in my arm for over a year, with a line running to my heart, could be removed while I was awake and I did not feel a thing!

I got home around 2 in the afternoon today, Thursday, and slept the rest of the day. I needed to catch up on the sleep I didn't get in the hospital. I have spent a lot of time in hospitals over the last year and it is hard to get much sleep at night until you have been there a few days and are just too tired to be kept awake by the interruptions.

It was good to be home this evening and read Ethan his bedtime stories. He is actually starting to brush his teeth before bed by himself already. I guess that makes me the proud, dentist father. I had really hoped that the next blog entry would be more photos of Ethan from Halloween, but instead of downloading them on Sunday for the blog, the cancer threw a wrench in our plans for the week. Switching to oral chemo was supposed to afford us more routine in our lives, but I guess that is yet to come.

I hope all of you are doing well. Thank you for checking in on us and for your many thoughts and prayers. Living with cancer means living with the twists and turns and the uncertainty. We never really know what tomorrow will bring, but we rejoice in the gift that is each day. We focus on tackling the challenges and embracing the joys that comes with each of those gifts.

Livestrong, and may God bless you!

Four Leafed Clover

Thank you all for the very kind and uplifting posts this past week. After I last posted I went in for a MRI, and thankfully it was clear. It is one of the few times you want your doctor to say your head is empty! We had a relaxing end of the week and weekend (we did not attend the Michigan-Penn State game, which turned out to be a very good decision), and then we started the new chemo on Tuesday. I saw my doctor on Tuesday morning and had my blood drawn. My white cells have rebounded back to within a normal range, albeit at the bottom end of normal. This was good news, though, because the new chemo will again lower my blood counts so starting higher is important. My HCG on Tuesday was over 58,000. Again, this is the highest it has been in about a year, but it did not double over the last 2 weeks. Previously it was doubling every two weeks. I will not have the HCG checked again for 3 weeks, because we know it will go up for awhile, and there is no point in reacting (or overreacting) to every change.



On Tuesday, October 27, 2009, I began taking 50mg of Etoposide twice a day. I point out the date, because on Tuesday, October 28, 2008 I checked into St. Joseph's Mercy Hospital to begin my battle with cancer using a chemo treatment called BEP. The 'E' stands for Etoposide. It has been hard not to think back to what I was doing a year ago, and the parallels have been amazing. Here I find myself walking back into the place this all started almost exactly a year ago, and begin a new chemo regimen with a familiar drug. I will be taking the Etoposide twice a day for three weeks, then I will have a week off to allow my blood counts to recover, and then repeat for a second round. At the end of two rounds I will have another CT scan to evaluate the progress.



As I think back to last year, I still find it hard to believe that I am still battling this cancer. At the same time, I am struck by how much easier these last two weeks were this year as opposed to last year. After I received the news last year that I had several masses, I was referred to the U of M thoracic surgery department for a biopsy. At the time we thought it might be Lymphoma, and my doctor felt it was urgent that I have it biopsied. The thoracic surgery department did not share his sense of urgency. I, as a Michigan alum and long time fan/supporter, was distraught that my school was not there for me when I needed them most. After 3 days of phone calls and getting the run around, we finally had an appointment for a consult, but it was still a week away. After the consult it would have been another week until the biopsy. That was not acceptable. Megan had been round and round with them, but did not get anywhere. I hesitated to look elsewhere besides my beloved U of M, but clearly I could not wait for them. Megan called a close friend whom had offered a contact at St. Joseph's; an oncologist that had treated her mother. He referred us to an outstanding cardio-thoracic surgeon, Dr. Sullivan. Megan called Dr. Sullivan's office, and they asked if we could be there by 4:00 that day. We did not have alumni status, we did not share our life story on the phone to try to get in quickly, the receptionist later said "she just heard the urgency in Megan's voice and knew that Dr. Sullivan would help us." Megan was a superstar that day. I remember watching her sit down to make phone calls, and I could tell that she was going to find someone to see me immediately. Thankfully the first call was to St. Joe's and we have had outstanding care ever since that initial consult at 4:00. In fact, Dr. Sullivan squeezed me into her schedule the next day, and Dr. Winegarden, my eventual oncologist, was even there for my biopsy as well.



The biopsy was on a Friday, and the next day I rested at home with my family, watching football of course. It was then that someone else came through for me as well. The husband of a long time family friend happened to be a rep for a drug company that supplies chemo drugs to several institutions. They live in Columbus, OH, and he used his connections to contact the head of Oncology at Ohio State. Dr. Sullivan had given me a preliminary diagnosis of choriocarcinoma after the biopsy, although the pathologist had not given a final report yet. The head of oncology returned Todd's phone call from a tailgate on that Saturday, and told him to send me down for a consult and to get treatment started immediately. So on Monday, I headed down to Columbus for a second opinion, with the understanding that if I chose to seek treatment at OSU, they would admit me to the hospital on Tuesday. I needed to be prepared to stay there a week. My mom drove me down, while Megan packed for a potential week stay in Columbus. Remember, Ethan was just 11 weeks old at this point.



I saw Dr. Monk at OSU, and he ran another barrage of tests, and recommended a standard treatment of BEP. My sister was an excellent advocate for me, as she called and visited with several of the oncologists at OSU prior to my arrival. In the end, Dr. Monk assured me that St. Joe's was an excellent hospital and I would probably handle the treatment better closer to home and closer to my family. At the same time, he was ready to admit me the next day if St. Joe's was not prepared to act fast enough. Meanwhile, at home, Megan had been in touch with Dr. Einhorn's nurse at Indiana, the doctor whom I would eventually see, and they had recommended the same treatment (BEP) and offered their services if I could not find something closer to home. Megan also received a call from Dr. Winegarden. He had received the pathology report confirming choriocarcinoma, and he wanted to admit me the next day to start BEP.



The choice of treatment was pretty clear, it was just a matter of where to go for treatment. I called Dr. Winegarden back that night from Columbus, then spoke with Megan and decided to head home to begin treatment the next day. I don't remember what time I got home from Columbus, but I know it was really late. Megan had spent most of the day packing, only to find out she wasn't going anywhere. I, on the other hand, was headed to Ann Arbor for a week long stay in the hospital to start my treatment. In the first 30 hours in the hospital I had an ultrasound, MRI, thyroid scan, a port placed in my arm, 2 blood draws, and my first dose of chemo. For someone who had never really been sick, only had my blood drawn a couple of times in my life, and my only stay in the hospital was 11 weeks earlier when Ethan was born, this was a shock to my system. My fourth day in the hospital was the day that U of M would have seen me for a consult. I spent Halloween (Ethan's first) in the hospital, and I was out before U of M would likely have done the biopsy. Thankfully I had many visitors, and I started using this blog and gaining great strength from so many of you at that time.



Now here we are a year later. There are some parallels and some similarities between last year and this year, but there are some stark differences as well. I am at home. I feel better. I have spent the last week resting, playing with Megan and Ethan, carving our over sized pumpkins, and getting ready for Halloween at home. I continue to have the overwhelming support of many people that care about me, and I can't tell you how much that means to me. I began taking the chemo pills on Tuesday night, almost exactly a year after starting this journey. On Wednesday, instead of looking out the windows of the 11th floor of the hospital admiring the fall colors, this year Megan, Ethan, and I spent a few hours at Elizabeth Park. This park is the oldest public park in the county, and is right on the river. It is also within walking distance of our old condo, but not too far from where we live now. Megan and I spent a beautiful fall afternoon at this park when we first started dating. I have logged many miles jogging through this park. After Ethan was born, and before my diagnosis, we would take Ethan for a walk through this park nearly every day. Ethan now loves the slide there, it is one of his favorites. On this trip to the park we sat in the middle of one of the fields, enjoying the warm autumn day, and Megan posed a question. We were sitting in the middle of a huge patch of clovers. She asked if four leafed clovers really exist. I said I often looked, but never found one. I added that they probably do exist, but would have to be a very rare anomaly. We looked down between us and simultaneously said, is that one? To our amazement, it was! Right there between us was a four leafed clover, the epitome of good luck!



I am a very faithful person, but not so much a superstitious person. I do not know if finding a four leafed clover will truly bring us good luck, but it is exceedingly lucky to have found one. I don't know that it really means we will have continued good luck, but given that it happened as I start my second year of fighting cancer, I will take any sign of good fortune that God provides!



Bring it on cancer, I am still ready to fight!

One Year.

It has been one year since the masses in my chest, abdomen, and lungs were found. At this time last year we were home with a 10 week old baby, breaking the news to my parents, and getting ready to call my sister with the news. We didn't know what type of cancer it was, but based on the pattern it was believed to be lymphoma. The radiologist had said it was too vascular to be lymphoma and offered testicular cancer as a possibility, but I had no signs or symptoms to support that. I was shocked, as we all were, but I was already confident that I would beat it, no matter what it was. If you had told me that I would still be battling the same tumors a year later I would not have believed you. On the other hand, if I had known that would prove to be the case, I doubt I would have ever believed that I could feel as well as I do after a year of chemo, including 8 different drugs and 2 rounds of high dose chemo. Nonetheless, here we are and I indeed feel much better than a year ago today.

On October 20, 2008, I woke up on a Monday morning with the plan of calling my doctor for an appointment because I had coughed up blood the day before. I had an appointment later in the week, but didn't feel I should wait. I had a bowl of cereal, but could only eat about half of it before I began throwing up. I had been unable to keep down much food for a week or so, but that morning was much worse. I cancelled my day at the office, and headed for my doctor's office. On short notice, I ended up seeing his nurse practitioner, whom I cannot say enough about. She did a wonderful job exploring all of the possible reasons for my persistent cough that had been getting worse for 4 weeks, as well as my many digestive pains and symptoms. It was her thoroughness that led to the chest x-ray that first revealed the mass in my mediastinum (area between the lungs around the wind pipe). The radiologist informed me of what she saw on the chest x-ray and recommended a CT scan. She then informed me that the scan showed a mass in my abdomen as well. She then wanted to do another CT scan with contrast dye, which meant I had to drink some not-so-pleasant 'shakes', which I have now grown accustomed to drinking. I went home with my shakes to prepare for the second scan, and to inform Megan of the news. She had been home with a sleeping baby Ethan.

The drive home was a tough one, but not as hard as telling your wife that you have cancer. I had a 10 week old baby, and I had spent the previous 10 weeks praying each night prayers of thanks for all that the Lord had blessed me with. I was sick and not feeling well, but I was the happiest I think I have ever been in my life. Now I had to tell my wife that I had cancer. She took it hard, but she also gave me a glimpse of the rock that she would be for me over the next 12 months. Megan is a strong woman to say the least.

We had my Mom come over to watch Ethan while Megan joined me for the second CT scan. After the scan the radiologist, Dr. Finazzo, showed Megan and I the images and explained them so we both understood them. She also was outstanding, and spent quite a bit of time going over everything. It helped us understand what we were facing, and made it easier to go home and tell our families.

On the way home, we called my Dad and asked him to come over for dinner after work, then we told my parents what we had learned. It had been hard earlier to act like nothing was wrong when my Mom came over to watch Ethan, but it was much harder to tell them the news. As a father, I can't imagine what it felt like to get that news. We spent some time looking at the scans, Dr. Finazzo had given us a copy of them on a disk, and we called my sister and Megan's parents. It is very hard to hear that you have cancer, but it was even harder to tell those you love, and those that love you, the news. It was a very long day, one that I will never forget, but certainly do wish that I could.

October 20, 2009 was much different. I woke up this morning before Megan and Ethan. That is something that I have not done in weeks. I felt great and was ready for an exciting day; taking Ethan to the pumpkin patch. Over the past several weeks I have had a really hard time waking up in the mornings. The chemo and the trips to New York were taking a toll on me, and maybe a greater one than I realized. It is strange to think that I found out yesterday that the cancer had grown, and that I woke up today feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, but that is how I felt. I guess those trips and the subsequent fatigue and neuropathy was taking both a physical and mental toll on my body. I do wish that we had received better news yesterday, but the fact that I will not be facing more chemo and more trips to NY seems to have given me a brighter outlook this morning.

My parents came over mid-morning, and the five of us headed off to Apple Charlie's to find some pumpkins. Ethan had a blast. We headed out in to the pumpkin patch and Ethan ran through the pumpkins smacking them with both hands, climbing on them, trying to pick them up, and grinning from ear to ear. He lead us all the way to the back of the field before we picked out some pumpkins to bring home; one for each of us, including one small enough for Ethan to carry himself. We did learn a valuable lesson though, pumpkins in the field look much smaller than when you get them home. We thought we did a good job picking out some average sized pumpkins. When we got back to weigh them we noticed the pre-picked ones were smaller. In the end, we came home with over 120 pounds of pumpkins for the 5 of us!

Of course we had to have cider and doughnuts, and we stopped for a late lunch on the way home. It was a great day. The sun was out, and it has warmed up in Michigan. We had a lot of fun watching Ethan run through the pumpkins, and I can't help but contrast this with what we went through a year ago. It has been a long year to say the least. We have come a long way, and we likely still have a long way to go, but even with cancer still alive in my body I am in a better place this year than I was a year ago. I feel stronger, I look better, and I am still happy with my life. I spent the day enjoying my family, and being reminded of all of the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. Certainly, not the least of which is my army of supporters out there cheering and praying me on. I will head back to Ann Arbor for another MRI tomorrow morning, and I will begin the second year of my battle with cancer. Thank you all for being here for me!

Time for a new course of treatment.

We met with Dr. Winegarden today in Ann Arbor to discuss the results of the CT scan from Friday. The scan showed progression of disease, meaning that there was some growth, and some new sites. There were a few new nodes in my lungs (about 4-5). They were all very small; one was 1.5 cm while the others were all about 5 mm. The tumor in my chest (mediastinum) was slightly larger. Previously this one had not grown. The tumor in my abdomen was unchanged; it was about the same size and still appeared cavitated (indicating potential necrosis or cell death). This all indicates that the cancer has gotten worse, but thankfully, not by very much. It also means that I am out of the study in New York. Dr. Winegarden spoke with Dr. Feldman in NY and Dr. Feldman had said that the rising trend of my tumor marker was likely enough to drop me from the study, but clear evidence of new cancer growth on the CT scan certainly meant that the treatment was not working and I would be dropped from the study. While this was not the news that I was hoping for, it was at least clear. One of my hopes that no matter what the CT scanned showed, that it was at least clear and would help us make a decision. It is clear that it is time to move on from the treatment in NY.

Dr. Winegarden suggested that we go ahead with the oral Etoposide. This is the treatment that Dr. Einhorn had suggested prior to us finding the study in New York. It is one of the same drugs I received in my first regimen of chemo, and in the high dose chemo in Indy. It would be administered in a pill twice daily. It is a lower dose, but I would be receiving it much more frequently. This means that it would be a more constant dose over a long period of time. I would likely start it next week. The main side effects are lowered blood counts (nothing new there), and nausea. The cold-induced neuropathy should go away with time, hopefully quickly.

I will also have another MRI of my brain on Wednesday to make sure that nothing has spread there. We don't expect that it has, but we don't want to miss anything either.

I have a good feeling about this treatment, because is seems to fit with what we think may be an explanation to my tumor marker roller coaster. One of the theories was that I was metabolizing the drug too quickly. I would receive a response from the drugs during the first week after treatment, but then the drug would be out of my system and the cancer would grow during the second week. This was also a theory as to why I didn't respond to the original treatment (BEP). I had very mild side effects compared to the average patient, which may have been due to the fact that my body metabolized the drugs quickly. This meant that they were out of my system too quickly to cause the usual side effects, but also meant they didn't have enough time to work against the cancer. If this is indeed the case, then giving myself a smaller dose of chemo twice a day seems to make sense. I may still metabolize it quickly, but I will be constantly replenishing the drugs in my system. We may not know if this drug will work on my cancer, but we should be able to keep in my system for a longer period of time.

There is also another clinical trial in New York that should be available in about 8 weeks. It is another Phase II study and it is a oral chemo as well, which means less frequently travelling. Hopefully I will not need that, because the Etoposide will work, but should we find that it is not working well enough then we may have another opportunity on the horizon. Dr. Winegarden said that it is an exciting new drug that would be worth looking into if we needed something else.

All things considered, I am not too upset about today's news. Certainly, I would have loved to hear that the treatment was working and the tumors were greatly reduced. On the other hand, I am thankful that it was clear. The cancer has not grown much, just enough to be clear. I was not looking forward to a winter with cold-induced neuropathy. Of couse, if it was working, I would have been happy to endure whatever that chemo threw at me, but I can't imagine it would have been much fun. This chemo and the travel was much more taxing than what I had before, and was truly affecting my quality of life. Part of me is relieved that I do not have to endure it anymore. What is really clear is what I have been saying for weeks, I am better now than I was a year ago. Last year on this day I began coughing up blood. This prompted me to see my doctor the next morning, instead of waiting 4 days for my scheduled appointment. Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of the day they found the tumors. Today I am tired and am dealing with neuropathies, but I am not in pain and I am not coughing up blood. We still do not know what the future will hold, but we know that I have come a long way and am ready to keep going much longer.

Thank you all for supporting me this past year. Thank you for the well wishes, the happy thoughts, and for all of the countless prayers. They are working, maybe not as fast as we would like, but they are working. We clearly are not in control of the timetable, but we will keep fighting until we win! Year 2, here we come!

End of Round 2 in NY

Thanks for all of the uplifting comments and for your continued prayers. After my last post I had my HCG checked in Ann Arbor. I just over 37,000. That was the highest it has been in almost a year. I was in New York again this past Monday for the final treatment of the second round. My HCG on Monday, prior to receiving chemo, was back down to 27,000. It dropped 10,000 points in 4 days, without any chemo. No one can explain it. On Thursday after chemo I had it checked again in Ann Arbor, and it was down to 10,940. I also had a CT scan (my eighth in the last 12 months) on Friday. I will see my doctor again on Monday afternoon to receive the results of the scan. Hopefully the scan will make more sense than the roller coaster tumor marker.

Next week we will have to make some decisions regarding the clinical trial in New York. If there is evidence that the disease is progressing, then I will be dropped from the study. Although the tumor marker is all over the place, it does show an upward trend. This may indicate growth of the tumor, but because the numbers are so sporadic, there is no way to know what they truly mean. The hope is that the CT scan will provide a clear picture of what is happening, and hopefully it will be that the tumor is shrinking. the last CT scan was taken after the first round of the clinical trial. It showed that the tumor in my abdomen may have grown, but it also revealed signs of necrosis (cell death) in the center of the tumor. The tumor in my chest had not changed, which previously had shown some signs of activity on the PET scan. I originally had several other small tumors in my lungs that had shrunk tremendously, and had not changed in the last few CT scans. They also did not show any activity in the PET scan. Those may never go away, but likely are just scar tissue that will always be present as evidence of past tumors.

I am feeling well, but the chemo takes more out of me each time. I feel more fatigued after each treatment. On Wednesday I slept until 2 pm. The last hour and a half was with Ethan napping on my chest, so there are some perks to sleeping all day. The cold induced neuropathy has increased with each treatment as well. After the last treatment I noticed that the cold breeze in the morning caused my face to go numb, so I have grown a beard to deal with that. It is strange that the hair on top of my head is not growing much, but my beard is growing quite well. I guess I might as well grow hair where I can! Cold liquids and food still make my throat go numb. I even had trouble putting my contacts in for the first few days after treatment. The contact lens solution was slightly cool and it caused my eyes to burn for 30 seconds or so. I took a few days off and wore my glasses, and now I can't put my contacts in with no problems. This all can be attributed to the chemo. It is crazy what this stuff can do to your body. This chemo is clearly having many effects on my body, I just hope that killing the cancer is included on the list of effects.

I am watching the Michigan football game while typing this post. Normally I would not do anything to distract me from the game, but they are winning 56-6 right now! Poor Delaware State! Last weekend we spent a few days in the Irish Hills with some good friends. The Irish Hills is an area West of Ann Arbor known for it's lakes and hills and is a popular vacation area. We rented some cabins owned my Megan's aunt and had a great time. We had not gotten together with this group of friends in over two years. The last time we saw them was at a wedding, and only one couple had a kid. Now there are 6 kids in the group, so it was fun to see how that changed the dynamics of our gatherings. It was also fun to see all of the kids together. For Megan and I, it was wonderful to get away on a vacation. We have done our share of travelling in the past year, but it has all been for the purpose of treatment.

I will keep you posted this week as we find out what is next for me, and as we reach the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. Thank you all so much for checking in on me, pushing me along, and for all of your prayers.

Hey everyone! We are still here, we have just had a couple of busy and challenging weeks. I am sorry it has been a few weeks since my last blog. We have gotten some calls of concern about what was going on. The last time I blogged was on September 21; my tumor marker had come back down to 3852 and I was awaiting results from a blood draw taken that day. Those results revealed the HCG had gone back up to 18977. Then at the end of the week it was up over 24,000, but the following Monday in New York they were down to just over 20,000. I received treatment that day and then had my tumor marker checked the following Thursday, October 1, and my HCG had dropped down to 7852. That is the latest info that we have. The roller coaster tumor marker ride continues to roll on. I am headed to Ann Arbor today and will have it checked once again, then it is back to New York on Monday for the final treatment of the second round. I suspect that my tumor marker will be back up if it continues to follow the pattern, but I also have a CT scan scheduled for next Friday. Hopefully that will provide us with some explanation of what these numbers mean, and I am confident it will be good news.

It has been a challenging couple of weeks watching these numbers go up and down, because there does appear to be an upward trend with the numbers. The low numbers get higher each time, and the high numbers get even higher. These are the highest numbers I have seen since last fall. That is discouraging and scary. At the same time, we don't know what they mean. That also makes it scary, but it also means that we shouldn't spend much time worrying about it until we do know what it means. That is often easier said than done. The reality is that we don't have enough information to assess what is happening. We have tumor marker numbers that make no sense to anyone. We have a CT scan from after the first round that show some sign of necrosis, which is encouraging. I can also say that I am feeling good. The chemo is taking a greater toll on me, as is the travelling. Last week I was wiped out for the week, which is why you didn't see me posting to the blog. So it is sometimes hard to judge how I am feeling, but when I think back to how I felt last year at this time, I am feeling tremendously better. I was miserable last October. At this time I was coughing uncontrollably, I could not eat, and I was undergoing tests to figure out what was causing it. At this point I was gearing up for the wonderful experience that is a colonoscopy! This year, I have a lot of fatigue, and I alternate between weeks of feeling great, and feeling terrible, but that is due to the chemo. What does this mean? I have made great progress in the last year. I don't know exactly what is happening with this treatment yet, but I can say without any doubt that I am better today than I was last October. That is progress, that is undeniable, and there are no numbers than can change that!

Counts back down, proceeding with treatment

My counts on Thursday were back down to 3852, and no one knows what that means. It certainly is better than if they had risen further, but it doesn't explain anything. My doctors have said that it is not uncommon to see some fluctuations of tumor markers, but not of this degree; one thousand points here or there, but not eight to ten thousand points. We are going to continue with the clinical trial, follow the HCG closely, and then get another CT scan after the end of this round (two more treatments).

There are several theories on what is happening that might explain the tumor marker swings, but they are just theories and would be very difficult to test. Not to mention that none of them would really fit with the pattern of my rising and falling tumor marker. My general assumption is that this treatment is clearly doing something; whether it is good or bad or will lead to a cure, we do not know yet. I remain hopeful based on the necrosis seen on the last CT scan, and that I still feel good. I ran a continuous mile on Friday, the first time I have run a mile continuously in nearly a year. My previous runs were all broken up with periods of walking. The chemo makes me feel punk for a few days, but then I bounce back with greater strength, and a little more fatigue. I still have a lot of fight left, and hopefully in the next few weeks my tumor marker and CT scan will start to make some sense.

Livestrong!

Ups and Downs

As we have seen many times over the past 11 months, the battle with cancer is filled with ups and downs. The past week was no different. The last time I posted I had just found out that my HCG had dropped significantly, and I had just been in for another CT scan. Since then we have received both encouraging and discouraging news. First, last Friday, we received some good news regarding the CT scan. All of the tumors showed either no change or shrinkage, except for one in my abdomen. This one had grown slightly, but it also showed some signs of necrosis (cell death) in the middle of the tumor. While we did not like to hear that it was larger, some of the increase in size could be attibuted to swelling associated with the necrosis in the center of the tumor. The tumors that had not changed were already quite small, and likely were scar tissue that may never go away. Both of my doctors in Ann Arbor and New York were very encouraged about this news.

I had my HCG checked again last Friday, and received the results via text message on Monday while en route to my appointment in NY. The news was not at all what we had expected. My HCG had shot back up to 12,122. We were stunned, and so were my doctors. It is highly unusual to have such large swings in such a short time. In a matter of 2 weeks my HCG went from 7500 to 2500 to 12,000. No one really had an explanation, so we checked it again on Monday in NYC, hoping to find that the 12,122 was an error. Monday's result was 10,751; a drop from the previous reading, but still higher than we hoped and expected. We went ahead with treatment and headed home discouraged.

I had my HCG checked again today, but have not received the results. When it dropped to 2500 it was on the Thursday after chemo, and it was the only time that we have checked it so soon after treatment. Maybe by checking it again at the same interval it will shed some more light on what is happening. I will also likely check it again next week some time. As far as what these swings in HCG mean in the big picture, no one really knows. My tumor marker still seems to be trending up, which would normally suggest that I should drop out of the study and seek another form of treatment, but the CT scan shows some signs that this is working. I saw the scan myself and it looked like the middle of the tumor was dying. My doctors feel that it is worth continuing with this treatment, but will follow the tumor marker more closely. The complication is that this is a clinical trial, so my doctor in NY has to confer with the other researchers and convince them to allow me to stay in the study, even though my tumor marker is rising. Normally they will remove a patient from a clinical trial when there is evidence of disease progression. My tumor marker may indicate disease progression, but the CT scan may indicate improvement. The ups and downs continue.

The chemo has hit me harder this time. I am much more fatigued, and did not feel well at all on Tuesday and Wednesday. I am better today, but still very tired. We will continue to lay low and rest the next few days, but I also will try to get back outside and walk/run. We took a walk this morning and evening with Ethan, and it sure makes me feel better to get outside and get moving. It is harder to run these days, but I am going to keep fighting.

The highlight of this past week, of course, was the Michigan/Notre Dame game! Besides being an amazing game, it was a beautiful day and we had the opportunity to see a lot of friends. Megan and I were able to tailgate before the game, and even got into the stadium and onto the field before the game. We had our picture taken on the 50 yard line, where I proposed 5 years ago. You may not all know the story, but our first date was the Michigan/Notre Dame game 6 years ago, and I proposed to her on the M on the fifty just less than a year later. I am not sure the staff at the stadium knew what to do with Megan in her Notre Dame t-shirt, but when they heard our story they were happy to take these pictures for us.

It was great to see many good friends before and after the game. There are too many of you to name, from the usual tailgate crew to the many friends from out of town, it was great to see all of you. For me, it just felt great to be doing what I normally do in the fall, spend a Saturday in Ann Arbor. It was just great to feel like myself. Thank you all for celebrating the day with me.

As for the game, it was one of the most exciting games I have ever seen at Michigan Stadium. I had my doubts whether the youthful Michigan offense would be able to pull it out down the stretch, but they showed great character and poise. Notre Dame may have been the better team on Saturday, but Michigan found a way to win. That is something that they can build on, and I think we will be in for some more surprises this season.

There are plenty of other blogs out there that you can read to rehash the game, so as much as I would like to do that, I will leave it to the others.

I will close with more pictures of Ethan, and a few of the new suites at Michigan Stadium. The photos of Ethan are from a couple of weeks ago, when he decided to help me wash the car. I was rinsing it off, and Ethan took the sponge out of the bucket and began scrubbing the bumper. He is a quick learner. Now if I could just teach him to get me a beer, I could sit back and watch him do all the work!

Finally, some good news!!!

I was in Ann Arbor today for a CT scan, and while I was there I found out that my HCG is finally dropping! I will not have the results of the CT scan until Friday, but I received the results of last Thursday's blood draw and my HCG was 2553. Just 3 days prior my HCG was tested in New York and it was 7541. That is a 5000 point drop in just 3 days! I haven't seen a drop like that since the high dose chemo in Indy nearly six months ago.

This is obviously good news, and we are celebrating a little bit. We still have some work to do to get that number down to zero, but we are finally moving in the right direction. In fact, the reading in NY last Monday was an early sign that things maybe improving. When I started this study, my HCG had risen to 2500. After 2 weeks it had risen to 6500, and then two weeks after that (last Monday) it was 7541. At that point it was still rising, but at a much slower rate compared to the previous two week time span. Then, just 3 days later it was back down to 2553. This is back to roughly the same level as when I started this chemo, but hopefully it is the start of a downward trend. I will have my HCG checked again this Friday, and then again on Monday in New York.

I am so excited to get this information. I have felt for some time now that I was beating this cancer, and finally it looks like the tests are beginning to reflect this feeling. Going through this process you learn to keep a positive attitude, tempered with realism that the tests results may not be what you are hoping to hear. You learn to focus on the things you can control, to avoid disappointment when you hear that tumor markers continue to rise. You learn to be happy with small victories, like although the HCG continues to rise, it is rising slower. Finally, today, when we were least expecting it, we heard that the HCG is dropping, and dropping quickly. We still have a ways to go to be cancer free, and we could find out this week that it was only a temporary drop, but for right now, we are celebrating progress.

I am also excited about another article in the Free Press written by Kristen Shamus about my meeting with Lance Armstrong. If you have not seen it already, here is a link to the article; http://www.freep.com/article/20090906/COL26/909060349/1025/FEATURES07/With-inspiration-from-Lance-Armstrong--Dr.-Matt-fights-back. Kristen was in touch with my Mom prior to the Pelotonia, and she also contacted them to help arrange my meeting with Lance. Thanks, Kristen, for your help with meeting Lance, and for the great article.

The past week has been a busy one, and it has been exhausting. This chemo has a much stronger effect than the last chemo. I have felt much more fatigue after this last trip to New York. The first couple of days I was under the chemo fog. I was never really sick, but I just did not quite feel myself. Tuesday and Wednesday of last week were pretty much a blur. I am feeling better now, but remain tired and plagued by the cold-induced neuropathy. I cannot eat or drink anything cold or my throat will go numb, and I have to keep my feet warm to prevent the neuropathy from getting worse in my feet. It seems to be wearing off a little bit, but it is taking longer than it did the last time. To make the fatigue worse, there have been some nights that I wake up at 3 or 4 am and cannot get back to sleep for hours. I cannot pinpoint a pattern to the sleeplessness, but assume it is somehow related to the chemo.

All in all I am forging ahead just fine. Today's news makes all of this seem very bearable. Megan and Ethan are doing well, and keep me looking forward to the finish line. I very much enjoyed Michigan's thumping of Western Michigan this past Saturday, and look forward to this week's game against ND. Megan and I will be going to the game together. She did not make it to any games last year, and I only made it to a few. It will be good to have her back at the game with me again, even if she is cheering for ND (remember, she is a Saint Mary's grad). We have not fully ramped up the trash talking yet, but I am sure it will begin before Saturday.

Go Blue and Livestrong!

Pelotonia/Headed to NYC

The weekend flew by, and I didn't have time to blog like I had planned. The bike ride went great! Our four riders stuck together and finished the 50 mile ride in about 4 hours. They had great weather and were raving about how beautiful the ride was. Megan, Ethan, and I were up early and saw them on the course shortly after the ride began. It was great to see all of the riders go by; it was unbelievable how many riders were involved, and it was people of all ages and experience. There were people on fancy bikes, all decked out in cycling gear, and people on old-school bikes without gears. There were people riding on tandem bikes as well as recumbent bikes. Jack got some good pictures of Lance Armstrong as he rode past them before the start, all decked out in his Livestrong gear. We missed him on the course, because he had already flown past before we arrived at out post.

The event was run with amazing efficiency. When the riders finished there was a barbecue lunch waiting for them. Their bikes were loaded on trucks and buses transported the riders back to the starting area. No one in our group had any injuries or crashes, but they did see a few along the way. None looked serious except one, where a gentleman was taken away in an ambulance, although they say he looked like he was going to be okay.

They said the ride actually ended at 42 miles instead of 50. They were disappointed and so geared up to ride 50 that they just kept going and made it a 50 mile ride! Go Team!

Saturday night Kristin and Jack hosted us for a barbecue with some additional friends and family, and it was a great weekend. Good food, good fun, and a good fight against cancer!

We are now getting ready to head to the airport here in Columbus to fly to NY with the Corporate Angel Network once again. This time we will return home in the same day, so we will be back here in Columbus at about 9 pm. It will surely be another long day, but a day spent killing cancer!

Livestrong!

Pelotonia--Day 1

I am writing this blog from our hotel room in Columbus following the opening ceremonies of Pelotonia. I am trying to type quietly because Ethan is sleeping in the Pack & Play next to our bed. We had a long day travelling down here with Ethan, and getting to the event, but it was well worth it. Besides this being a great event, something else pretty amazing happened for us as well; we got to meet Lance Armstrong! Yes, you read that correctly, we met Lance Armstrong.

Megan and I found out yesterday from my family that I was on a list of individuals that might get an opportunity to meet him. While I have not heard the whole story, it sounds like my parents, Kristin, and Jack have put in a lot of time contacting the Pelotonia staff to share with them my story. In the end, someone felt my story was compelling enough to be one of ten individuals with the chance to meet Lance and have a photo taken with him. It wasn’t even confirmed until last night.

We were scheduled to volunteer at 6:00, but that was all changed when we were rescheduled to meet Lance at 6:15. Megan and I in our Livestrong shirts, and Ethan in his Livestrong onesie, had several photos taken with him. Ethan walked right up to the edge of the stage at the front of the empty auditorium where Lance was sitting, and began banging on the stage next to Lance. Ethan is comfortable being himself, no matter what the environment! Lance was very nice, spoke to me a little about my treatment, and complimented Ethan on his Livestrong onesie. It was a brief, special moment, and I am glad that I got to personally thank Lance for all that he has done to inspire and help those of us battling cancer.

Tonight’s opening ceremony was quite a show. Pelotonia has raised over 4 million dollars for cancer research, and 100% of those donations go to research. I am very grateful to the many people that have supported our family by donating to our team. We have now raised just over $12,000! Thank you so much! Lance spoke at the opening ceremonies, as did several other dignitaries, and the message was the same. We are going to beat cancer! I hope you all know that you are helping me beat cancer, and this weekend, we are making big strides to find the cure.

I will try to keep posting this weekend to keep you all updated on the activities down here. The riders will begin their ride at 7:30 in the morning, and we hope to be there to send them off.

Livestrong!!

Wind in the Hair and Chasing Birds

At the end of another long and challenging week, once again it is Ethan that reminds us of the joys of this life.

We had a good trip to New York this week, but the travel and the chemo is exhausting. First we had an appointment on Friday in Ann Arbor to check my white blood cells. They were just slightly low, so I spent the weekend giving myself injections of Neupogen to build my counts back up. We drove down to Columbus on Sunday, and had another nice evening with my sister and her husband. We were then at the airport by 6 am Monday for another corporate flight to New York through Corporate Angels.

I cannot say enough about Corporate Angels, and the corporations that participate with this service. They are truly angels! Travelling 1200 miles for treatment every other week is exhausting no matter how you look at it. This service removes so many of the usual hassles of travel and allows us to focus on the treatment. It is great. We were at the hospital in NY by 10:00, a feat we could not have accomplished on our own.

Things ran much smoother this week, and we were done with treatment by about 4:00. We stayed in the city this time, at a place called The Miracle House. This is another organization that owns a few apartments that they make available to cancer patients for a very low fee. They are 3 bedroom and 2 bath apartments, and we had one to ourselves. On this trip, we were so tired, we just ordered a pizza and were in bed by 8:30.

The return trip was just as smooth as the last trip. My friend Seiji picked us up and drove us to the airport once again, and this time we had the pleasure of meeting his wife and 18 month old daughter. Thanks again Seiji!

I felt the effects of the chemo much sooner this time around. I still thankfully have not been sick, but I don't feel quite like myself. My stomach has been on edge and my neuropathy is increasing. With these drugs the neuorpathy is cold-induced, so I have to keep socks on my feet or the cold floor in the basement or bathroom can increase the numbness in my feet. It also can occur in the throat, so if I eat or drink anything cold my throat goes numb. It is a very odd feeling to say the least. It already seems to be subsiding, but I still am drinking warm milk and water. No more ice cream for me for awhile!

My tumor marker continues to go up, but it is too early in this treatment to determine what that means. Certainly if the cancer continues to grow, the tumor marker will rise. On the other hand, if the chemo is working, tumor cells will be dying, which may also cause the tumor marker to rise. It is a process called 'cell lysis', in which the tumor cells burst thereby releasing the tumor marker HCG. So we could see an initial rise in the tumor marker even if the chemo is working. We will have a better idea what is happening in a few weeks when I finish the first round of chemo and have another CT scan.

All in all I am feeling good. I am more tired than I was with the last infusion, and the side effects are more pronounced. It has been a long, challenging week because of this, as well as some other factors in my life. We have made it through the week though, and yesterday Ethan again reminded us to to enjoy the wind and God's creations. We took Ethan to the Lake Erie Metropark late in the afternoon yesterday. It was a windy day, so once again he found joy in the mere fact that the wind was lifting the hair up off of his head. A joy that I can no longer partake in, but I can share in Ethan's amusement. He ran throughout the park, chasing seagulls. He loves birds and squeals with glee as he runs towards them before the fly away. It was a beautiful afternoon by the lake.

I sat and watched Megan chase Ethan chasing the birds, and thought what a blessing to be able to enjoy moments like that. The world looked so vibrant; the blue of the lake and the sky, the green of the park, and the contrast of the white clouds zooming by in the gusting wind. There were ducks and geese playing in the water, martins beginning to buzz around feasting on the bugs, and seagulls both playing in the wind and running from my son. How many times have I taken all of that for granted. In the middle of this wonderful scene was Ethan, not worried about the challenges of the week, not thinking about what tomorrow may or may not bring, just totally enthralled in the moment. I doubt he had even thought about what to do if he caught one of the birds, he was just thrilled to be chasing after them.

I have written many times about living in the moment, and yet it is still a very difficult thing to do. Ethan keeps taking my hand and trying to lead me there, and I guess I will just keep trying to follow his lead. None of us may be able to stop the world from swirling around us, but maybe we can find ways to pause momentarily and enjoy the simple blessings of life in this beautiful world.

Livestrong!

We are doing Great!

We are all doing great, and having a good week at home. I have been feeling well since last Thursday. On Friday I felt pretty much back to normal, and am feeling great this week. It is nice to have a week at home without any trips to NYC, and with minimal appointments. I will get my blood checked on Friday in Ann Arbor to make sure my counts will allow me to have chemo on Monday in NY. I took the week off from running last week, but have gone twice this week.

Ethan is doing great, and ate his first corn-on-the-cob yesterday. He absolutely loved it! He continues to be very active and is beginning to eat us out of house and home. I don't know where he puts it all, but he is a bottomless pit.

We are using this week to relax a little bit, and to regroup after a couple of hectic weeks. We will be headed back to NY on Monday, and hope to fly with Corporate Angels again out of Columbus. We will find out on Thursday if they have a seat for us.

Until then, thank you for checking in on us and keeping us in your prayers.

Happy Birthday Ethan! Happy Anniversary Matt!

(Of course, I always forget to upload pics in reverse order, so starting from the end of yesterday to the beginning of the day, here are pictures of Ethan's first birthday. Also, due to technical difficulties, the captions come first, followed by the photos.)

Ethan - oh, yeah, bring on the chocolate cake!

Janet - we tried REALLY hard, but Ethan just wasn't having any of his birthday hat! We think it's cute and we'll try again next year (we'll just add a 2!).

Gigi & Papa (Ethan's great grandparents), grandma & grandpa and Matt & I got together for an impromptu birthday celebration. Uncle Torren joined us for cake & opening presents. Nothing is ever set in stone around here anymore, as we just don't know how Matt will feel after chemo.

Ethan fell asleep before we could get a photo of him on the elephant. It's a tradition to get your photo taken on the statues at the Toledo Zoo.

Gigi, I'll carry your hat!

Our busy bee - Ethan loved getting up close & personal with the animals (goats, guinea fowl, bees, spiders, birds, etc.) at Nature's Neighborhood at the Toledo Zoo. Nature's Neighborhood is the zoo's new attraction - petting zoo & activity center for kids. I highly recommend it to the folks out there that have kids that would enjoy arts activities & getting close to animals. They have specific times for activities, so check it out early before your visit.

Finally, Ethan started out yesterday at breakfast eating a bowl of oatmeal, half of banana, 2 blueberry pancakes and juice. I think we're going to go broke feeding this kid!

To my Matthew, Happy Anniversary! There's no one else I would rather be with in a car, on a plane, on a bus, on the subway and in a coffee shop in about 3 hours than you! All my love, Megan

NYC, a Birthday, and an Anniversary.

Megan and I had a good trip to New York, but it was exhausting. The travel was very easy. We flew with Corporate Angels, an organization that matches cancer patients with empty seats on corporate flights. We flew out of Columbus, so we spent Sunday night at my sister's house. It was good to visit with them.

We arrived at the hangar in Columbus at 6 am Monday morning. We were on the plane at 6:30 and in the air by 6:40. There was no security or waiting in lines. We just walked out on the tarmac, up the steps, and picked a seat. They even served us breakfast, something that is now lacking on commercial flights. We landed in NJ at 8:00, fifteen minutes early, and about ten minutes later they had already dropped us off at the bus stop. We hopped on the bus to Manhattan, transferred to the subway, and were in a coffee house a block from Sloan Kettering by 9:30. It is hard to believe that we covered 600 miles of travel involving a plane, a van, a bus, and a subway, in just 3.5 hours!

The rest of the day was not as efficient. We arrived at SK at 10:30 for my 11:00 appointment. We were informed that the doctor was running behind because another patient of his that morning had to be admitted to the hospital for an emergency, and he had gone with her to the main hospital (which is a block and a half away). When he returned we gave him my pathology slides from St. Joe, which he then had to take back to the main hospital to review them. So after sitting there for 2.5 hours, we were finally taken back for our appointment. The doctor was very apologetic, and tired from running back and forth the the hospital. He spent some time with us going over the treatment and the treatment schedule. He answered all of our questions and examined me again. I had my blood drawn once again and everything looked good for the study. I just had to wait then to be registered for the study. They could not complete registration for the study until they had all my data, including the pathology slides and blood drawn that day. Normally registration takes 20-30 minutes, but of course that was not the case for me. It took them a couple hours, during which time we ate lunch. It sounded like since I was the first person participating in the study it took them longer to register everything in the computer. After registration is complete, then the pharmacy mixes the drugs, so we finally started chemo around 4:30/4:45. Chemo took 2 hours, as planned! It was pretty uneventful.

We left the clinic about 6 pm, and headed out to meet friends Jamie & Emily for dinner. We ate at a NY pub called PJ Clarke's that opened in 1844! It was a very cool place on 3rd Ave. at 55th Street. The food and atmosphere was great. We lost track of time a little bit, and had to beat feet to the subway to catch our 8:50 bus back to NJ (the next bus would have been at 9:50). We made it aboard with about a minute to spare. We actually met a friendly New Jersian on the bus whom helped us find our stop, and our shuttle to our hotel. Then we crashed!

We were up early Tuesday morning. Seiji joined us for breakfast at our hotel and then drove us to the airport. Again, we just walked right out and onto the plane. On the flight to NJ there were about 15 people on the plane, which seated 44. On the way back to Columbus, there were 5 of us, so it looks like our chances are pretty good that there will be empty seats for us in the future. It was amazing how hassle free the trip was, just very tiring.

We will be headed back in 2 weeks. We have our next 3 appointments schedule, all of them on Mondays. That will take care of the first round and the first appointment of round two. We will go to AA at the end of the weeks prior to appointments in NY to have my blood counts checked to make sure they are not too low. This will save us a trip to NY only to find out I can't have the chemo. After round 1 I will have a CT scan in AA and then may schedule a biopsy in NY prior to the start of round 2. If all goes well, we will continue with the biweekly trips to NY until the cancer is gone.

I am feeling good today. The last two days I have had a little uneasy stomach. I have not really felt sick, just not 100%. I did feel well enough to spend the day at the zoo yesterday for Ethan's birthday. He loved it! Ethan loves birds, and was fascinated by some of the exotic ones at the zoo. He also enjoyed petting the goats in the petting zoo and the fish in the aquarium.

Today we celebrate our fourth Anniversary. We have been resting this morning, but plan to go to a movie and dinner this afternoon. It has been a long week already, but we have much to be thankful for this week and this year. I am underway with a new treatment, that will hopefully be the final treatment. Ethan is a very healthy and happy one year old that engages the world more and more each day. He is starting to say a few garbled words, and is beginning to communicate. This last year has been a whirlwind created by the adversity of cancer and the joy of new parenthood. Megan nor I could have ever imagined what these first four years of marriage have brought us, but through it all she is my rock and my love. Our greatest blessing is one another, and no matter what the future years bring, we are stronger now than we ever have been and ready to take on whatever else lies ahead. We have also learned what a wonderful support system we have in all of you out there, and we thank you all for backing us, cheering us on, and carrying us at times as well. We have certainly learned a lot about one another, and a lot about life this past year. In this world, no matter what you face, you cannot make it alone. We are very lucky to have one another, and to have all of you to call family and friends.

Thanks a million!

Open Letter to My Cancer

You are probably pretty proud of yourself; that you have withstood several rounds of chemo and nine months later you are still hanging on. Well guess what, I am still here too! In fact, I am stronger than I was 9 months ago. You may have felt me shaking you up a bit this morning. That's because I ran 2 miles. That's right, I walked 2 miles and ran 2 miles with my son.

You may want to take a look around, Cancer. What do you see? I'll tell you what you see. You see health. You see strength. You see heart, determination, a will to live, unending drive, and unwavering faith. Beyond that, what you can't see, is an army of my supporters just waiting for you to fall. WE have YOU surrounded, and WE are closing in. It is time to come out with your hands up. It is time to wave your white flag. Otherwise we are coming in with guns blazing. This is your final warning.

You may have survived the last nine months, but you are much smaller. I have not only survived, but I am stronger. We have you surrounded, and we will continue to close in like a boa constrictor until you give up or die. Know this Cancer, when you take your last breath, YOU will hear US roar.

Headed Back to NYC

We have had a busy week. When I last blogged I mentioned I was headed to Ann Arbor for some more tests. I had a chest x-ray on Monday as well as blood tests. The blood results showed that my white blood cells are back to normal, and the HCG had gone back up to 1600. That is still slightly lower than it was 3 weeks ago, but up from the 1250 the week before. I spoke with all of my doctors about this and they all felt the clinical trial in NY was the next step. Had the HCG continued on a downward trend then we may have tried the last set of drugs a little longer, but the trend still appears to be moving upward. The good news is that is has slowed down greatly, and may have levelled off.



I have spent the week making travel plans and exercising. I don't know how I will feel after this chemo, so I don't know if I will be able to keep up with the exercises at the pace I have been going. Today I ran 1.7 miles, and I may try for 2 miles this weekend. We will be flying to NY on Monday morning, and flying back on Tuesday morning. I found a group called Corporate Angels that finds open seats on participating corporate flights for cancer patients. The flights are free and are dependent on availability. They found us a flight from Columbus, OH to New York, which works out well since my sister is in Columbus. There are an incredible number of organizations out there set up to help cancer patients. It is a great thing.



Monday I will start treatment in the clinical trial at Sloan Kettering. Treatment should only last a few hours, and we will have to make this trip every other week. The drugs I will be receiving are Oxaliplatin and flavopiridol. There is not a lot of information in print on this regimen, because it is so new and the Phase I study has not yet been published. I may learn more on Monday, or we may just learn about it as we go along.

I am patient #1 in this study, so I am prepared to lead everyone else to the cure!

Livestrong!

Happy Birthdays and an Entertaining Baptism

Megan and I returned from NYC Friday evening, and have had a busy, but very enjoyable couple days since then. We celebrated Ethan's first birthday a little early since my aunt and uncle were in town from CA for the baptism, and so was my sister and her family. We had my family over to our home on Saturday for a birthday party, and it was great to see Ethan enjoy eating and playing with his first birthday cake! He had it everywhere. He was so excited to eat chocolate cake he began smacking the cake with both hands and cake and icing was flying in every direction. He apparently takes after both of his parents in their love for chocolate, except we would not have wasted any chocolate by throwing it around the kitchen. I am sure he will learn better with time.

Sunday Ethan was baptized with his cousin Cale, and it was entertaining to say the least. Ethan did well throughout the service, but when we got up for the baptism he apparently thought we were getting up to play. He walked right up to the front of the church, but then was none to pleased when we tried to hold him or keep him in one place. At one point he was squirming so much in his grandfather's arms that he ended up hanging upside down screaming. The congregation was well entertained. His cousin fared much better, thanks to a supply of Cheerios in his father's pocket, and because he was also entertained by Ethan. It was a memorable baptism, and in the end, both boys behaved well in the pastor's arms.

Today is my birthday, and I have many things to celebrate. It was wonderful to see so much of our family this weekend. What a gift to see my son celebrate his first birthday, and then to be baptized with my nephew. It was a great weekend. Additionally, we received some good news late in the day on Friday while driving home from New York. My HCG was tested on Thursday and it actually had gone down since the last blood test two weeks earlier! Previously it was 1750 and on Thursday it was 1250. I don't know exactly what that means yet. The doctor cautioned me that there is variation between labs, so these numbers are not absolute. On the other hand, I look at this as a sign that my HCG has at least stopped climbing. If it had continued to climb at the same rate it was climbing for the last 2 months then it should be up to 3500 by now. At the very least I feel this indicates a levelling off of my HCG if not an actual reduction. It is encouraging news.

So now I am on track to start the clinical trial next Monday in New York, unless my doctors feel this news regarding the HCG points us in a different direction. I have tests that need to be performed prior to the trials. I had another MRI last night, and I am headed to Ann Arbor today for more blood work and another chest x-ray. I will also attend the final session of the Livestrong program at the Y today. Hopefully I will also hear back from my doctors today to find out more about what this change in the HCG means.

The beat goes on; more waiting for information and then we can begin to plan the next few weeks. It feels great to have more options for treatment, and I am hopeful that the news about the HCG is an indication that the tests are finally beginning to catch up with what I have been feeling for weeks; I am getting better. You may recall that when I returned home from Indy I barely had the strength to walk to the mailbox. At the time I set out to walking everyday and gradually increased the distance I walked each day. In my mind I considered setting a goal of jogging by my birthday. I thought about setting the goal for jogging a mile by my birthday. Then I thought this may be too ambitious and thought about setting it at a half mile by my birthday. I don't recall what I finally decided, but I can tell you this, today I ran just shy of a mile and a half with Ethan. (Well, he didn't actually run with me, he slept in his stroller.) I continue to believe that if I feel stronger each day, the cancer must be getting weaker. Maybe we are finally seeing signs of this with the blood results on Thursday. No matter what those test truly mean, I will keep running, I will keep seeking treatment, and I will keep getting stronger until the cancer gives up the fight. It will not be me that gives up this fight, I can guarantee you that.