Wind in the Hair and Chasing Birds

At the end of another long and challenging week, once again it is Ethan that reminds us of the joys of this life.

We had a good trip to New York this week, but the travel and the chemo is exhausting. First we had an appointment on Friday in Ann Arbor to check my white blood cells. They were just slightly low, so I spent the weekend giving myself injections of Neupogen to build my counts back up. We drove down to Columbus on Sunday, and had another nice evening with my sister and her husband. We were then at the airport by 6 am Monday for another corporate flight to New York through Corporate Angels.

I cannot say enough about Corporate Angels, and the corporations that participate with this service. They are truly angels! Travelling 1200 miles for treatment every other week is exhausting no matter how you look at it. This service removes so many of the usual hassles of travel and allows us to focus on the treatment. It is great. We were at the hospital in NY by 10:00, a feat we could not have accomplished on our own.

Things ran much smoother this week, and we were done with treatment by about 4:00. We stayed in the city this time, at a place called The Miracle House. This is another organization that owns a few apartments that they make available to cancer patients for a very low fee. They are 3 bedroom and 2 bath apartments, and we had one to ourselves. On this trip, we were so tired, we just ordered a pizza and were in bed by 8:30.

The return trip was just as smooth as the last trip. My friend Seiji picked us up and drove us to the airport once again, and this time we had the pleasure of meeting his wife and 18 month old daughter. Thanks again Seiji!

I felt the effects of the chemo much sooner this time around. I still thankfully have not been sick, but I don't feel quite like myself. My stomach has been on edge and my neuropathy is increasing. With these drugs the neuorpathy is cold-induced, so I have to keep socks on my feet or the cold floor in the basement or bathroom can increase the numbness in my feet. It also can occur in the throat, so if I eat or drink anything cold my throat goes numb. It is a very odd feeling to say the least. It already seems to be subsiding, but I still am drinking warm milk and water. No more ice cream for me for awhile!

My tumor marker continues to go up, but it is too early in this treatment to determine what that means. Certainly if the cancer continues to grow, the tumor marker will rise. On the other hand, if the chemo is working, tumor cells will be dying, which may also cause the tumor marker to rise. It is a process called 'cell lysis', in which the tumor cells burst thereby releasing the tumor marker HCG. So we could see an initial rise in the tumor marker even if the chemo is working. We will have a better idea what is happening in a few weeks when I finish the first round of chemo and have another CT scan.

All in all I am feeling good. I am more tired than I was with the last infusion, and the side effects are more pronounced. It has been a long, challenging week because of this, as well as some other factors in my life. We have made it through the week though, and yesterday Ethan again reminded us to to enjoy the wind and God's creations. We took Ethan to the Lake Erie Metropark late in the afternoon yesterday. It was a windy day, so once again he found joy in the mere fact that the wind was lifting the hair up off of his head. A joy that I can no longer partake in, but I can share in Ethan's amusement. He ran throughout the park, chasing seagulls. He loves birds and squeals with glee as he runs towards them before the fly away. It was a beautiful afternoon by the lake.

I sat and watched Megan chase Ethan chasing the birds, and thought what a blessing to be able to enjoy moments like that. The world looked so vibrant; the blue of the lake and the sky, the green of the park, and the contrast of the white clouds zooming by in the gusting wind. There were ducks and geese playing in the water, martins beginning to buzz around feasting on the bugs, and seagulls both playing in the wind and running from my son. How many times have I taken all of that for granted. In the middle of this wonderful scene was Ethan, not worried about the challenges of the week, not thinking about what tomorrow may or may not bring, just totally enthralled in the moment. I doubt he had even thought about what to do if he caught one of the birds, he was just thrilled to be chasing after them.

I have written many times about living in the moment, and yet it is still a very difficult thing to do. Ethan keeps taking my hand and trying to lead me there, and I guess I will just keep trying to follow his lead. None of us may be able to stop the world from swirling around us, but maybe we can find ways to pause momentarily and enjoy the simple blessings of life in this beautiful world.

Livestrong!