Happy New Year (belated)!

I hope everyone had a happy New Year! We enjoyed a couple of days at home, watching movies, football, and playing with Ethan. We did not stay up to see the ball drop, but stuck with Ethan's sleep schedule. We figured that he did not know that it was New Year's and that the appropriate thing to do was to sleep in the next day.

We had a wonderful holiday week filled with family, friends, and lot's of relaxing. We enjoyed our time with our family on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. We also enjoyed visits from good friends Dave and Anita Repp, Justin Busch, Jamie Kucab, Andy and Kate and Kendall Leutheuser, and Dan Holmes. It is always good to see friends in town for the holidays; and those that live nearby but we don't see as much as we should.

I am currently receiving my second bag of chemo today, with one more bag to go. It is my second day of my fourth round of Chemo. I had an appointment with my oncologist yesterday morning. He is very encouraged with my progress. His only concern is the reduced rate at which the tumor marker is dropping. It is now down to 932. That is great progress from the starting levels of >200,000, but after significant reduction the first weeks, the last weeks have been much slower. The last three readings have been 1130, 1105, and now 932. It is possible that the metastatic tumors continue to shrink, but the primary site is continuing to release the HCG. The primary site will have to be removed after I complete my chemo.

I have more information on what happens next after chemo. I complete chemo on January 20th, and I have an appointment with the surgeon that day to schedule the removal of the primary site (that is just an easier way to say it to ease my mind). The surgery will likely be the 29th of January. I also have a CT scan scheduled for Jan. 21 to see what is left of the metastatic sites in my abdomen, chest, and lungs. I will see my oncologist again on the 23 of Jan. to review what is left of the tumors and determine what other surgeries are needed. Usually there is some remnants of the tumor remaining that has to be removed surgically. Given the multiple sites of my tumors, I could be facing multiple surgeries.

After they remove the remaining tissue they have to determine the nature of the tissue; it could be scar tissue, dead tumor cells, or remaining active tumor cells. If they find remaining active tumor cells I will then undergo 2 more rounds of chemo, with different drugs, to ensure there is nothing left.

So while we are nearing the end, there are still some questions to be answered and possibly some more challenges ahead. I feel several emotions at this point. The predominant one is excitement that I am nearing the end of treatment and am still feeling very well, but a little fear is creeping in as well. I have never been afraid that I won't beat this, but now I worry about how effective the treatment has been. How much is left? What type of cells will they find? How difficult will the surgeries be? Given the location of the tumors I know that it may be very invasive surgery to access them. The chemo has been surprisingly easy, but my most difficult challenges may lie ahead.

Last night I awoke at 3:00 am, unable to sleep due the side effects of the Decadron I am on this week. I began thinking of all of these questions and I began praying. I came to the realization that whatever I have left to face, I will approach it the same way I have approached this cancer thus far; head on with my faith, family, and friends as a foundation of strength. I have learned that you have to play the cards you are dealt in life. Truly, worrying about these things is counter productive. The only way to beat adversity is to identify what you are up against, and then attack it head-on without looking back. Through God I feel I can accomplish anything. He provides guidance, love, and confidence. Most important of all He has blessed me with family and friends. My Megan is my rock, Ethan is my joy, and the rest of my family are blessings of love and never ending support. I have also found how important my friends are in this process. This blog has provided an amazing experience that has showed me how many friends truly care about me. I have found that beyond the many posts I have received that there are many others that are reading and either praying for me or keeping me in their thoughts. To me, you are like the arms of God surrounding me in his strength. Thank you all for your support. Whatever lies ahead, I will attack it head-on with my faith, my family, and my friends. There is nothing that this cancer can throw at us that we cannot beat!

This has got me thinking about when I was first diagnosed and the thoughts about with whom I should share this diagnosis. At first it was hard to imagine discussing the nature of my cancer with anyone but my doctors, family, and closest friends. However, I now know that would have been a mistake. It has been amazing to see how far this blog has spread through the community and to old friends. What I have gained from that show of love and support has been overwhelming. So I leave you with this advice: don't be afraid of sharing your challenges in life openly with your friends. You never know how much they care and are ready to support you unless you allow them the opportunity. There is no greater feeling in life that to know you are cared for, and that will give you immeasurable strength.