One Year.

It has been one year since the masses in my chest, abdomen, and lungs were found. At this time last year we were home with a 10 week old baby, breaking the news to my parents, and getting ready to call my sister with the news. We didn't know what type of cancer it was, but based on the pattern it was believed to be lymphoma. The radiologist had said it was too vascular to be lymphoma and offered testicular cancer as a possibility, but I had no signs or symptoms to support that. I was shocked, as we all were, but I was already confident that I would beat it, no matter what it was. If you had told me that I would still be battling the same tumors a year later I would not have believed you. On the other hand, if I had known that would prove to be the case, I doubt I would have ever believed that I could feel as well as I do after a year of chemo, including 8 different drugs and 2 rounds of high dose chemo. Nonetheless, here we are and I indeed feel much better than a year ago today.

On October 20, 2008, I woke up on a Monday morning with the plan of calling my doctor for an appointment because I had coughed up blood the day before. I had an appointment later in the week, but didn't feel I should wait. I had a bowl of cereal, but could only eat about half of it before I began throwing up. I had been unable to keep down much food for a week or so, but that morning was much worse. I cancelled my day at the office, and headed for my doctor's office. On short notice, I ended up seeing his nurse practitioner, whom I cannot say enough about. She did a wonderful job exploring all of the possible reasons for my persistent cough that had been getting worse for 4 weeks, as well as my many digestive pains and symptoms. It was her thoroughness that led to the chest x-ray that first revealed the mass in my mediastinum (area between the lungs around the wind pipe). The radiologist informed me of what she saw on the chest x-ray and recommended a CT scan. She then informed me that the scan showed a mass in my abdomen as well. She then wanted to do another CT scan with contrast dye, which meant I had to drink some not-so-pleasant 'shakes', which I have now grown accustomed to drinking. I went home with my shakes to prepare for the second scan, and to inform Megan of the news. She had been home with a sleeping baby Ethan.

The drive home was a tough one, but not as hard as telling your wife that you have cancer. I had a 10 week old baby, and I had spent the previous 10 weeks praying each night prayers of thanks for all that the Lord had blessed me with. I was sick and not feeling well, but I was the happiest I think I have ever been in my life. Now I had to tell my wife that I had cancer. She took it hard, but she also gave me a glimpse of the rock that she would be for me over the next 12 months. Megan is a strong woman to say the least.

We had my Mom come over to watch Ethan while Megan joined me for the second CT scan. After the scan the radiologist, Dr. Finazzo, showed Megan and I the images and explained them so we both understood them. She also was outstanding, and spent quite a bit of time going over everything. It helped us understand what we were facing, and made it easier to go home and tell our families.

On the way home, we called my Dad and asked him to come over for dinner after work, then we told my parents what we had learned. It had been hard earlier to act like nothing was wrong when my Mom came over to watch Ethan, but it was much harder to tell them the news. As a father, I can't imagine what it felt like to get that news. We spent some time looking at the scans, Dr. Finazzo had given us a copy of them on a disk, and we called my sister and Megan's parents. It is very hard to hear that you have cancer, but it was even harder to tell those you love, and those that love you, the news. It was a very long day, one that I will never forget, but certainly do wish that I could.

October 20, 2009 was much different. I woke up this morning before Megan and Ethan. That is something that I have not done in weeks. I felt great and was ready for an exciting day; taking Ethan to the pumpkin patch. Over the past several weeks I have had a really hard time waking up in the mornings. The chemo and the trips to New York were taking a toll on me, and maybe a greater one than I realized. It is strange to think that I found out yesterday that the cancer had grown, and that I woke up today feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, but that is how I felt. I guess those trips and the subsequent fatigue and neuropathy was taking both a physical and mental toll on my body. I do wish that we had received better news yesterday, but the fact that I will not be facing more chemo and more trips to NY seems to have given me a brighter outlook this morning.

My parents came over mid-morning, and the five of us headed off to Apple Charlie's to find some pumpkins. Ethan had a blast. We headed out in to the pumpkin patch and Ethan ran through the pumpkins smacking them with both hands, climbing on them, trying to pick them up, and grinning from ear to ear. He lead us all the way to the back of the field before we picked out some pumpkins to bring home; one for each of us, including one small enough for Ethan to carry himself. We did learn a valuable lesson though, pumpkins in the field look much smaller than when you get them home. We thought we did a good job picking out some average sized pumpkins. When we got back to weigh them we noticed the pre-picked ones were smaller. In the end, we came home with over 120 pounds of pumpkins for the 5 of us!

Of course we had to have cider and doughnuts, and we stopped for a late lunch on the way home. It was a great day. The sun was out, and it has warmed up in Michigan. We had a lot of fun watching Ethan run through the pumpkins, and I can't help but contrast this with what we went through a year ago. It has been a long year to say the least. We have come a long way, and we likely still have a long way to go, but even with cancer still alive in my body I am in a better place this year than I was a year ago. I feel stronger, I look better, and I am still happy with my life. I spent the day enjoying my family, and being reminded of all of the blessings the Lord has bestowed upon me. Certainly, not the least of which is my army of supporters out there cheering and praying me on. I will head back to Ann Arbor for another MRI tomorrow morning, and I will begin the second year of my battle with cancer. Thank you all for being here for me!